All the Time
by MidnightOfTheSoul
Summary: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS: Luke breaks it down for Lorelai.


Rating: PG Summary: SPOILER WARNING- Luke breaks down and tells her how he feels. Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show, ASP and The WB can make claims on that. A/N: I normally don't write GG fanfic, but this was bugging me, and now I can work on my paper. This is for all the JJ's out there! Oh and edited due to 'oxymoron' statements( thanks! Oh and yes FF I'm a lurker in case you didn't notice.  
  
The day the Dragonfly opens. 

He watched her from the corner of the room, lost among the shadows and the myriad of conversation dancing around the room. Her face alone could light up the room, and the smile she wore from ear to ear only added unnecessary wattage. She was truly happy, outside of producing one of the most promising young women he'd ever come in contact with, she had achieved her dream. Her professional dream at least. Very few people ever achieve that dream and even fewer achieve it at so young an age.  
  
She bustled from group to group, dropping comments here and there, leaving smiling faces and laughter in her wake. Her happiness was infectious and he couldn't help but be mesmerized by it.  
  
However, in a room full of contentment and celebration, two people did not reflect the merriment that seemed to touch everyone else. He watched Lorelai approach the two with caution, and wondered what they could be talking about. Her father finished the last of his champagne, uttered a word or two, and left the room. Her mother did not blink an eye and only cast a look of indifference on her daughter. Lorelai grabbed her mother by the arm and gently lead her away, and asked her a question as they left the room.  
  
He wasn't about to approach the scene and eavesdrop, but he was fully prepared to watch from afar. As he resettled himself in his chair for a better look, he could barely see Emily's profile, but he got a full view of Lorelai, which he found fortunate considering her expressive nature. A few words were exchanged until Lorelai tripped the switch that sent her mother off and yet another argument ensued. From the look on Lorelai's face, the news her mother just revealed to her was not good, as her mouth had not yet closed. When she overcame the initial shock, she asked her mother a question, to which nothing but hand flailing and a shrug was offered. Lorelai shook her head doubtfully and placed her hands firmly on her hips, as though she chose to disbelieve the information she had received. Lorelai brushed a hand through her hair and looked down as her mother broke out into a longwinded statement that seemed to make Lorelai's distress grow by the second.  
  
She finally held her hands up in surrender and appeared to ask her to stop. She didn't want to hear anymore of it. Emily took a step toward her daughter and placed her hands firmly on her shoulders as she said something, then offered a weak smile and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek. Lorelai watched as Emily went to the closet, collected her jacket and purse and left without another word, leaving Lorelai looking puzzled and lost.  
  
He wanted to get up and speak with her, make sure everything was all right, but he found himself glued to his seat, unable to move. Lorelai turned and looked in on the room, continuing in its blissful ignorance, she sighed warily and prepared to enter once again.  
  
Before she fully entered the room a voice called her from the kitchen, he watched as she turned and walked down the hallway, following the sound. He sighed gruffly and figured he could entertain himself by watching Sookie fly around the room offering cucumber sandwiches. Once she started to make them talk, he decided he should hunt down Lorelai and wish her well. He got up and walked the perimeter of the room until he reached the other entrance to the kitchen and paused at the sight before him.  
  
The man whom he could only assume was Jason stood a mere four inches from Lorelai, whispering something. His hands clutched her waist as he murmured a few heartfelt words to his woman. She brought her hands up to his chest and shook her head in something he could only assume was a bad sign for Jason, but stood there confused when Jason smiled then kissed her hand lovingly. He wanted to turn from the sight in front of him, but he once again found himself rooted to the spot. He knew Jason was no good for her, that in the end it would not last. But she never saw that. She never saw that with any of the men that took a part of her heart when they left.  
  
She spoke to him softly as he kept his head down almost in contemplation. He looked up at her once again and nodded as if in agreement, then said a short phrase and went in for a kiss. They broke apart she gave him a weak smile and watched as he left the inn, bringing her hands to her face in anguish. Even then, he wanted to go and speak to her, but he had no words to say, nothing to offer her.  
  
His spirits sank as he returned to his corner, watching as she reentered the room with a fake smile plastered on her face as she greeted the rest of her friends and guests. Although she'd briefly spoken to him earlier, he could tell something was on her mind, and she wouldn't look him directly in the eye. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but found that even if he did, she would offer no reply. He took one last sip of his own beer, set it down with a sigh and quietly left the room, but not without one last look at her.  
  
Hours later, Lorelai found that with the inn open, her thoughts weren't as scattered but were forming in one big heap. So much had happened in the last few weeks that she didn't know what to think anymore. She'd watched her daughter leave with Dean, which at this point in time, could never be good. Her mother and father had officially separated, and her mother was looking for an apartment. Jason returned to offer his apologies, saying he'd retracted the lawsuit and wanted a relationship with her more than payback. And Luke, good old Luke, she couldn't even talk to him. She saw him leave, but she didn't go after him, that would have only added to her current state of distress.  
  
She walked around the great room, picking up the last remnants of the party, and stuffing them in a trash bag. Sookie and Jackson had left only a few minutes earlier, making sure that Lorelai was fine before heading off for the night to be with their son. Michel walked brusquely into the room stating that his suit smelled of cheap perfume and demanded that the wearer never be allowed back on the premises. She smiled at his pettiness and muttered a good bye as he left complaining about carrying out the trash.  
  
She walked in the kitchen, turned off the lights, and walked back into the foyer, looking around as though it was Christmas and the inn was her gift. Despite the nightmare that she had just lived through, the pride stirred inside as she smiled one more time, whispering almost in a tone of disbelief, "I finally did it."  
  
She glanced once more at the door before turning the light out and realized Michel had left a bag of trash.  
  
"Oh yes, because nothing says garbage man more than a skirt and a sheer blouse," she sighed as picked up the trash bag and opened the door, only to find Luke standing before her. His Jacket was gone and he'd un-tucked his shirt, but he still had this air of capability about him, like if he wanted, he could wear a suit and look good in it every day.  
  
"Luke! Hi!"  
  
He smiled at her and glanced down at the trash bag.  
  
She fumbled for words to say, knowing that any reason he could be here would only be taxing on her nerves.  
  
"What can I say, I only pay Michel to manage, not much else is in his resumé."  
  
"I can get that for you," he said as he bent down to pick it up.  
  
"Ah no, don't worry, I'm heading out there in a minute anyway," she looked back at him quickly, letting an uncomfortable silence settled upon them.  
  
Upon closer examination, he realized she'd been crying and that she looked a little worse for wear. However, she was still the most gorgeous women he'd ever met. The fact that he had made it this far without turning back was the only thing that fueled him on as he began his adolescent plea.  
  
"We uh, we need to talk," he said quietly, only glancing up when she flinched at the end.  
  
"No. No we don't. Not right now Luke," she said feebly, knowing she couldn't take what he was going to say.  
  
"Please, just hear me out, and I'll leave you alone."  
  
"Cross your heart and kiss your elbow?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nevermind. Do you want to come in?"  
  
Knowing his resolve was quickly slipping, he wanted to get the words out as quick as possible.  
  
"No just, stay. Don't move." He brushed his hands through his hair and turned around abruptly, looking to the darkness for assistance.  
  
He turned back around to find Lorelai standing there, puzzled as before, very aware that he was having difficulty.  
  
"Do you want a paper bag or a tranquilizer, we have those horse ones. Man they're a doozy!" she offered weakly, trying to avoid the inevitable.  
  
"No, I uh, I'm fine." He took another deep breath and put his hands on his hips in determination. He could do this.  
  
"Lorelai, you've done an amazing job bringing up Rory," he said quickly, trying to figure out where to start. Her brows suddenly knitted, confused as to what he was talking about.  
  
"I mean, you've been a wonderful mother to her. I don't think I have ever seen a kid turn out so well under the circumstances. And look, you have this inn, your dream, right in front of you. It's like you have everything you've ever wanted, a daughter who adores you that is in an excellent school, this inn that you've worked so hard for, and I guess a man who loves you." The last words came out jumbled as he was unsure as to what had really gone on between her and Jason.  
  
"What I'm trying to say is that everyday, I wake up, looking forward to the moment you're going to step through my door. I spend the rest of the day hoping that you'll drop by that evening and tell me how your day went. But, what I've realized is that I don't want to hope or wait. I want to know," he took a step closer grabbing her hands, as though he might fall away if he let go.  
  
This sudden contact made it that much clearer to Lorelai and she frowned as tears began to well in her eyes once again.  
  
"Luke, don't do this. Please," she said futilely trying to break from his grasp. She didn't want to step off the deep end. Not yet at least.  
  
"No. You need to know this. I want to know that every morning I won't have to wait for this amazing woman to step through my door, because she will already be in my arms," his voice broke, knowing that what he said couldn't be taken back. "I want to sit on your porch on the weekend and watch you drink coffee, knowing that I won't have to leave. I want to adlib movies with you, I want to make you breakfast knowing that you're they're because I am, not because you have an endless pit for a stomach. I want you to want me, as much as I want you, I want to walk down the street and hold your hand, knowing that I'll never have to let it go, I want to go to Friday night dinners so I won't have to wait for you to come back and tell me what happened." As he said this, she quickly broke free and tried to back away, swallowing her tears.  
  
"No. Luke. You don't want me. You want someone who will always be there, who won't use you, who won't mess up your life. I am not that person. Sometimes you think you know what you want, but I can say without a doubt that you are wrong. I don't want you to wake up forty years from now wondering what the hell you're doing with me, trying to figure out why you dug yourself this hole in the first place. No, Luke I will not ruin your life like that. I care too much about our friendship, and what we share to screw this up, and I am not going to let it fade away like everything else in my life. You've always been there for me Luke, you are the one constant in my life and I don't want that to change." He was right in front of her again, looking deeply into her eyes, wishing she wouldn't say those words.  
  
"It won't change. I won't change. I can't change," he was running out of things to say and this wasn't going well. "Even if I did change it would be because you were the one changing me."  
  
"Luke this can't happen right now. There is just too much going on in my life and I don't think I can handle this," she said as she put her shaky hand on his chest.  
  
"Then I will handle it with you. I don't want you to be alone anymore, I don't want to be alone anymore," he grabbed her waist pulling her closer to him.  
  
"I can't do this," she said quietly, her head tilted down as she closed her eyes against the tears.  
  
He brought her head back up and looked directly in her eyes.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"That's what I was afraid of, Luke. We can't do this-" he silenced her with a kiss. Barely a breath, but it quickly deepened as he felt her respond. He felt her body go from relaxed to tense once again as she broke apart from him abruptly. She brought her hand up to his face, her thumb resting lightly on his lips.  
  
"Not now, Luke. Please. Just give me time," at that, she broke away and ran back inside leaving him alone on the porch. He didn't know what to feel, except numb. All he could think about was kissing her and knowing he could never kiss anyone else again.  
  
He picked up the bag and turned around, walking carefully down the steps and looking back at the inn, knowing somewhere Lorelai was inside, frantically trying to call her daughter or calm herself down.  
  
He shoved his hand in his pocket as he threw the bag in the dumpster. He would wait. All she wanted was time. That was all he had.  
  
A/N: Well, that's over with. We can all step out of my dreamland and wait for the inevitable. Hope it wasn't too horrible. 


End file.
